so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
What a dumb baby whore.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
