people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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