Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
