let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
