Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
