just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
