I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
