She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I will be naked everywhere
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
my poor anus
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
