Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
