i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
accomplished twins. life is a go
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
