I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
