omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
