Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
