ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
