Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
