yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
