He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
