Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
