So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
