my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
