Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
