I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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