i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
