Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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