I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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