You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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