Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
