I just cut my nipple shaving
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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