I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he puts the penis in happiness.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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