we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
