She announced her abortion via fbk
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
