i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
