the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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