I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
