I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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