Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
