She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Please don't give away my fajitas
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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