So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize