How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
