Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Terrible idea I love it
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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