The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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