Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
