The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
