Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
