id be glad to
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
