When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
