I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
