dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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