Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
