she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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