He is an equal opportunity slut.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
