I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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