I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
