walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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