That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
