Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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