Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
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Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
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He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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