Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
