His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
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Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
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Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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