is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
