All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
