so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
