We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
