last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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