do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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