today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
