literally had 100 drinks last night.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
