Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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