I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
