i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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