and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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