literally had 100 drinks last night.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
