I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
