I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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