I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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