im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
