he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
