ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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